


Get Low

by mitigates



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Exotic Dancer Kuroo, Exotic dancer Oikawa, I imagine Oikawa as a stripper all the time sue me, Implied Sexual Content, Non-Explicit Sex, Shower Sex, Sparkly underwear, Switch daichi, Switch kuroo, This is an ode to Iwaizumi's biceps and Daichi's thighs, brain rot, no beta we die like daichi, overuse of the word fuck, this has no plot im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitigates/pseuds/mitigates
Summary: “Who are you out there bottoming for? It must be somebody special.” Oikawa said with an actual giggle.Kuroo groaned into the comforter. “It was not planned. I did not go in there planning to take it in the ass, Tooru, you know me! I planned on having him use those muscles to hold onto me, not hold me up!”
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	Get Low

**Author's Note:**

> this is brain rot. the world needs more KuroDai.

Daichi picked the hardback book off of his nightstand and threw it at the ceiling as hard as he possibly could with strength that was mustered after a fitful three hours of sleep.

The banging above him continued.

Daichi grabbed the extra pillow he used to hug every night, covered his face with it, and screamed.

His door squeaked open moments later, adding what could be misconstrued as a scratched disc kind of noise to the cacophonous sounds that were bleeding from the floor above their apartment. Daichi rolled onto his side and met the forest-colored eyes of his roommate. Daichi grumbled nonsensical words, grabbed his only-for-my-head-to-lay-on pillow, and stomped into his roommates bedroom. 

He tossed the pillow onto the empty side of the bed and flopped down onto it, not bothering to pull the blanket out from under his ass.

The light flicked off and the bed dipping beside him indicated his roommate was also planning on freezing to death by sleeping on top of his blanket.

“I work-” Daichi paused as he glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “-in three fucking hours.”

The body beside him hummed in acknowledgement of Daichi’s predicament and fiddled with the buttons of his white noise machine. He then searched around in the top drawer next to his bed and clicked on the ceiling fan. Lastly, he found the remote for the humidifier and turned that on as well. 

The low hum of sleep-helping devices barely covered the noise that was, that night, centered over Daichi’s room.

“I am going to set fire to this apartment and hope it takes them down with us.”

A snort next to him let him know his roommate was still listening. 

They rolled onto their sides, adjusted until the blanket was up high enough to cover them both, and spent another 40 minutes falling asleep.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Iwaizumi stretched his arms over his head and groaned quietly. He rolled his neck in a circle and stuffed his hand into his pocket to reach his keys. He stopped at his mailbox before heading up to his apartment

“Oh- excuse me! Can you help me?” 

An airy voice drew Iwaizumi attention and he turned to see the same pretty boy he had noticed in their shared parking lot a few times before. Said pretty boy was struggling to carry at least 7 different delivery boxes of all shapes and sizes. Iwaizumi could barely see his eyes poking out from behind the boxes.

Iwaizumi shoved his keys back into his pocket and grabbed the large boxes from him.

“Thank you sooooo much~!” Iwaizumi was going to call him Brown Eyes until he knew better.

“No problem. Do you need help getting them to your apartment?”

“No, no, that’s okay,” Brown Eyes responded. “My roommate is right behind me, he’s just useless for the first few minutes of- well, anything.”

Brown Eyes laughed and Iwaizumi’s heart felt like it was being squeezed. Leave it up to him to fall for the pretty ones. 

His eyes widened slightly when said roommate walked through the door. Their names were now going to be Pretty and Prettier. 

Pretty slung an arm around Prettier’s shoulders. “Tooru, who’s your friend?” He smirked and raised a pierced eyebrow at Iwaizumi.

Prettier laughed airily again, smiling a thousand watt smile at Iwaizumi who was surely about to die in a cheap apartment lobby. 

“Clearly the only useful man in this building, Tetsu. Help me with these, they’re yours anyways!”

Iwaizumi glanced down at the box he was holding that was addressed to _Tetsurou Kuroo_ by way of _Dolls Kill_ which Iwaizumi, for some fucking reason, recognized as a website to buy certain kinds of clothes from. He cleared his throat and pushed the boxes toward Tetsurou, trying not to think about Prettier in thigh high boots. Was he a stripper? Were they both?

Iwaizumi glanced at Prettier. He _could_ be. Maybe an escort. He was tall enough to be a stripper. Something classy and high end, probably.

“Thanks, Muscles!”

Prettier _winked_ at Iwaizumi and left him standing there in awe as they walked toward the elevator. Iwaizumi blinked himself back into reality and tried to remember what he was doing.

He got all the way back up to his apartment before he realized he never checked the mail.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Daichi glared at his phone for having the audacity to chirp the moment he walked into his apartment building. Thankfully, it was just Iwaizumi asking him to check the mail and letting him know he was going grocery shopping.

Daichi pulled out bills he usually paid online and ads he rarely looked at and walked toward the elevator. He was scrolling through his phone when someone bumped into him from behind.

“Oh fuckity fuck, so sorry.” 

Daichi had to look up slightly to meet eyes with the taller man. Daichi’s eyes automatically dragged down his body toward the red wine colored thigh high boots he was wearing that were barely covered by his long coat. Daichi somehow managed to stop gawking and was met with a deep smirk by the time he looked back up. Cat-like honey-colored eyes stared back at him, daring him to ask a question.

Daichi tilted his head slightly, pausing to think of _anything_ to say.

“Cool piercing.”

Honey-eyes blinked in response, seemingly waiting for something more risque than that. 

“Oh uh, thanks.” He waggled his eyebrows at Daichi and followed him into the elevator. 

The ride up was silent and the air seemed thick with tension that Daichi dare claim was sexual. He sighed inwardly for the nth time as the doors opened to his floor. He froze in between the sliding doors, stopping the elevator from moving on.

Daichi turned around and stared into the honey-eyes that were tracking his own movements. Daichi cleared his throat softly and jerked his head toward his apartment.

“You busy right now?”

Daichi barely managed to squeak the words out. He had never been so forward in his life. He retained every intention of having the heels of those dark red boots facing his ceiling in a matter of minutes. Iwaizumi grocery shopped on the other side of town so he had plenty of time for a quickie, at least.

Honey-eyes grinned and stepped toward Daichi. 

“What did you have in mind?”

Daichi shrugged, not thinking the guy was going to agree. He rubbed the back of his head and looked away from those honey-eyes. “A quickie?” 

Daichi’s face burned but he felt zero shame about his question. He was tired, he was lonely, he was horny. Sue him.

Honey-eyes let those beautiful orbs glide down Daichi’s body, drinking in the thick physique in front of him. He nodded slightly.

“Let’s go.”

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Oikawa sat at his vanity staring into his mirror with narrowed eyes. He widened his eyes slightly, squeezed them shut, then quickly opened them. He hummed and shrugged, pulling out a bottle of concealer. He was dabbing the product on his nose when Kuroo stumbled into his room.

Kuroo groaned as he face-planted on Oikawa’s plush bed, the softness exactly what he needed. He groaned again when he realized Oikawa wasn’t paying him a speck of attention. His whining reached an all time low moment later as Oikawa applied waterproof mascara.

“Is something wrong, Tetsu?”

Oikawa made an ‘o’ shape with his mouth as he squeezed the eyelash curler. He applied the finishing touches to his face and got up to sit next to his whiney roommate. Oikawa only then noticed his shirt was on inside out.

“You look disheveled.” 

Kuroo glanced up at him with one eye. “Sometimes you used words that nobody else actually uses in actual conversation.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and started to get up. “If you’re just going to be rude-”

“Noooo, pleaaaase~!” Kuroo whined loudly.

“Sit up and use your words,Tetsu.” Oikawa scolded.

“I can’t sit up.”

“Why can’t you sit up? Did you land a split the wrong way or something?” The brunette asked.

Oikawa stopped examining his cuticles and stared down at Kuroo. He was purposefully not putting any pressure on his ass or really on his back at all. Oikawa snorted and reached out to smack Kuroo’s ass, prompting a high-pitched yelp from the other man.

“Who are you out there bottoming for? It must be somebody special.” Oikawa said with an actual giggle.

Kuroo groaned into the comforter. “It was _not_ planned. I did not go in there planning to take it in the ass, Tooru, you know me! I planned on having him use those muscles to hold _onto_ me, not hold me up!”

Oikawa burst into loud laughter before processing all of Kuroo’s words. He reached out and smacked his ass again.

“What the fuck was that for?” Kuroo screeched.

“You fucked Muscles?!”

Oikawa stood and grabbed his pillow to begin beating Kuroo to death with it. He could find a new roommate, easy.

“I did not!” Kuroo yelled back.

“You said Muscles! You fucked Muscles!” Oikawa screamed as he began the slow cotton-induced death of one Tetsuro Kuroo.

Kuroo finally managed some semblance of self-preservation as he curled into a ball. “It wasn’t your Muscles! It was _my_ Muscles! It was Thigh Muscles not Bicep Muscles!”

Oikawa dropped the pillow with a soft ‘oh’. He covered his mouth to suppress a laugh.

“Woops.”

“Woops. _Woops_. Fuck you and your woops, Oikawa, I am in pain. There’s no way I’m dancing tonight.”

Oikawa laughed and headed toward the kitchen for a frozen bag of vegetables. “No worries, darling. I’ll fill in for you.” Oikawa reentered his room and patted Kuroo’s backend softly. 

“There, there. You little pillow princess.”

The last noises coming from their apartment were additional screeches from Oikawa as he was shoved off of his own bed.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Days later, Kuroo put the finishing touches on their new surround sound system and stepped back to admire his work. Steps behind him indicated Oikawa had entered the room.

“Nice, right?”

“It looks great. How does it sound?”

Kuroo flipped through the tracks on his phone and clicked on one. He glanced back at Oikawa over his shoulder.

“Practice?”

Oikawa dropped to the floor and began stretching. He raised his arms above his head and spread his legs into a v shape. He bent at the waist until his chest pressed against the floor. He groaned softly at the stretch, feeling his muscles loosen after a long shift the night before.

“Come push my back, Tetsu.” 

Kuroo pressed his palms against Oikawa’s shoulders until the brunette’s face cheek was against the wood. Kuroo snorted. “Are you ever going to put these mad flexibility skills to use?”

Oikawa scoffed. “Excuse you, Tetsu, but I am a beautiful dancer.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “I was talking about sex.”

“I realize that, I was ignoring you. Turn the song on, you pervert.”

The falsetto of one Terius Nash filled the room.

_Girl, I’m in love with you baby_ _  
_ _And I want you to know_ _  
_ _That I’m hooked on your body_ _  
_ _And I’m tryna be yours-_

They both ended up dry humping the floor by the end of the song, rolling their hips against the hardwood, trying their best to control their breathing.

Kuroo jumped to his feet, hopping in place for a moment as he shook himself out. He rolled his neck around and started squatting. Oikawa reached for his water bottle and took a long gulp.

“Let’s do it again with the heels.”

Kuroo grabbed a pair of clear stilettos for each of them. They went through the song again, not missing a beat.

_We out the door, we in the car_

_She under my shirt, I'm under her bra_

_She said take it if you want it_

_Then we made love 'til the first light of morning_

Oikawa finished with an elongated split, throwing his upper half across his outstretched leg as he pressed his cheek against his thigh.

Kuroo whistled from beside him. “Damn, that was hot.”

Oikawa grinned and rolled onto his back. “I’ve been working on it. I’m glad it looks good.”

“It’s fuckin’ hot.” Kuroo emphasized with another whistle.

Oikawa only then realized that it was dark outside. “What time is it by the way?”

“Just after midnight.”

Oikawa laughed. “Our neighbors downstairs must really hate us.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met them.”

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Iwaizumi rolled off of his bed and stomped into Daichi’s room. He flung the door open, flung it back shut, and dove onto Daichi’s bed.

“I fucking hate it here. What the fuck are they even doing up there?”

“It sounds like they’re tenderizing meat.” Daichi responded sleepily.

“Tenderizing...meat. Really, Sawamura? That’s what comes to mind?”

“It’s like 1am, Hajime, what the fuck else would come to my mind?”

Iwaizumi snorted and rolled onto his side. “Uh, clogging, playing Twister, jump rope, I can name at least 15 other things I would think of before I imagined them up there tenderizing meat on the floor.”

“Maybe they’re just having really rough sex.”

“Someone is literally getting pounded into our ceiling.”

“If I ever meet them-”

“You mean _meat_ them?”

Daichi sighed loudly. “Get out of my bed.”

“Not a fuckin’ chance, they’re above my bedroom and I have to work in 5 hours.”

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Oikawa adjusted his glasses as he tapped on his phone outside of his apartment building. Kuroo was unforgivably late, to the point that he must have forgotten to pick Oikawa up. He huffed and wrapped his arms around his torso, trying to shield himself from the cold. Oikawa needed to go grocery shopping and he really didn’t want to take a rideshare there, he was trying to avoid any extra expense that he possibly could.

Kuroo was supposed to pick him up since they were down to one car after Oikawa’s vehicle decided to kill itself during a drive home from work at 3 in the damn morning. Now Kuroo was late to pick him up because he was probably at the gym hitting on Thigh Muscles.

Oikawa groaned and tried to sit up but his knees were locked from being in the same position for too long. He started to slip on the wet concrete and was ready to scream when a warm hand grabbed his forearm, steadying him. Oikawa blinked and looked up at his knight in shining armor and was met with the forest-colored eyes of Bicep Muscles. 

“Uh hey Pre-uh, neighbor. You were falling.” Iwaizumi stated dumbly.

Oikawa didn’t seem to notice that words were failing the other man as he stood up. “Thank you. It’s freezing out here!”

Iwaizumi smiled politely and nodded as he glanced around. “Are you waiting for someone?”

“My useless roommate forgot to pick me up and I really need to go grocery shopping! He knows this is the only chance I’ll have for days and I think all I have in my fridge is expired milk and old coffee. Maybe some butter.”

Iwaizumi bit the inside of his lip to keep from laughing. He held up his reusable bags. “I’m headed out for some groceries now. Did you want to tag along?”

Oikawa’s eyes lit up as he nodded fervently. “Please, yes, and I’m not just saying that to get out of this cold. Our heater is even malfunctioning. I thought if I waited out here then went back inside, it would seem warmer but I don’t know if my apartment temperature is even above what it is outside-”

Iwaizumi smiled and listened to Oikawa ramble about the weather and his imperfect apartment. Their apartment had been having heating issues too, as it always did, in the middle of winter. It wasn’t the greatest place.

Oikawa’s ranting continued all the way to the store and it wasn’t until they paused in front of the milk that Iwaizumi realized he hadn’t said anything other than his name since he asked if Oikawa was waiting for someone.

“If I’m annoying you can just tell me.” Oikawa said quietly as he grabbed a carton of almond milk.

Iwaizumi stumbled as he reached into the same fridge and ended up punching the glass hard enough to split his knuckle open. Iwaizumi stared down at the cut between his fingers as a drop of blood threatened to spill onto the floor.

Oikawa wrapped one of his hands around Iwaizumi’s injured one and reached into his bag with the other. He dragged Iwaizumi toward the bathroom and the slightly shorter man followed behind him wordlessly. 

Oikawa pulled antiseptic out of his bag and cleaned Iwaizumi’s hand after washing it with water. Iwaizumi winced as Oikawa dabbed his knuckles with an alcohol pad. Oikawa reached back into his bag and felt around for a moment before pulling out a large flexible band aid that was perfect for his knuckle.

“Did you put an Extension Charm on that or something?” Iwaizumi blurted out without rehashing the word vomit that was about to escape his mouth. 

Oikawa stopped mending his hand and slowly looked up at him. His pupils were blown so wide that Oikawa could no longer tell what color they were. His face was the color of the tomato Oikawa had in his basket outside of the bathroom, from the part of his neck peeking out from his scarf to the tips of his ears. If Bicep Muscle’s hair was any shorter, Oikawa was pretty sure his scalp would be pink as well.

“Did you just-”

Oikawa paused as he tried to think about how to approach his response. On one hand, he could hit back with his own Harry Potter inspired pun and say something along the lines of riding Iwaizumi’s broom but maybe that was too forward? What if he told Bicep Muscles that he didn’t need to cast _Accio_ to make him come? No, no, no, that was more forward. Shit. Maybe they could just ignore it- no, Oikwa was taking too long to answer. He had to think of something- anything-

“Is that your wand or are you just happy to see me?”

Oikawa didn’t have to think of anything because _that_ just came out of Bicep Muscles mouth. Oikawa covered his mouth, his own face flushing.

“One night with me and they’ll be calling you...Moaning Myrtle…?” Iwaizumi tested the last one, an uptick in the last syllable of his sentence showing some sense of embarrassment.

Oikawa squeezed his eyes shut as he started dying of laughter. He was laughing loudly, eventually moving his hand to hold his stomach as he felt an imminent death from laughter. 

It’d be the perfect way to go.

Iwaizumi laughed softly as well, thankfully realizing that Prettier was laughing with him and not at him.

“That bad, huh?”

Oikawa snorted and covered his mouth again, unable to control himself. He put his hands on his knees to catch his breath and his laughter died down a few seconds later. 

“Oh fuck.” 

Iwaizumi slid off of the sink he was leaning against and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I really don’t- I just don’t know where _any_ of that came from. I have never said any of those things out loud.”

Oikawa had to take deep breaths to keep from laughing again. He straightened himself out, put on his most controlled face, and smiled widely.

“Do you uh- do you want to hide your dragon...in my Forbidden Forest?”

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa, unblinking and unmoving, long enough that Oikawa shifted uncomfortably. Oikawa started to say something but he was stopped by Iwaizumi’s mouth. 

And that was how Iwaizumi deepthroated Oikawa in the bathroom of the grocery store, turned on by the simplicity of Harry Potter puns.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Iwaizumi pulled back into their parking lot and walked with Oikawa to the door. The rest of their grocery trip was relatively silent, the ride home and walk to the elevator the same. Iwaizumi looked up and concentrated on the changing numbers until they hit the third floor.

He started to step out of the elevator when Oikawa grabbed his bicep. 

“Really?” Oikawa asked, his eyebrow quirked.

Iwaizumi cleared his throat and shook his head slightly. “Uh- I mean, I uh-”

Oikawa smiled slightly and reached into Iwaizumi’s jacket pocket, pulling out his phone. He put his number in and stuffed the phone back into Iwaizumi’s pocket. 

“Text me sometime. I’m really not a one night stand, or whatever that was, kind of guy.” Oikawa admitted quietly. 

“I’m not either.”

Oikawa was slightly shocked but happily surprised at his response. “Good. See ya, Biceps!” Oikawa waggled his fingers as the elevator doors closed on Iwaizumi’s confused face.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

“Y’know those hot neighbors? The tall ones?” 

Daichi glanced up at Iwaizumi’s question with interest. “The one with the dark hair and his friend?”

“Yeah, the brown-haired one and his friend.” Iwaizumi clarified.

Daichi nodded and closed his book. “I’ve met that one a couple of times, I’m more familiar with his roommate, Kuroo.”

Iwaizumi hummed in response. “I’m familiar with Oikawa.”

Daichi snorted. “How familiar?”

Iwaizumi glared at Daichi then leaned over and reached in between the couch cushions. He pulled out a pair of sparkly silver briefs. 

If he left these here, what did he go home in?”

Daichi snatched the boxers out of Iwaizumi’s hands and scowled. “He was wearing pants, thank you very much.”

“I went grocery shopping with Oikawa yesterday.”

Daichi looked at his roommate in confusion. “Is that why you didn’t go pick up the pre workout?”

Iwaizumi nodded and grinned. “Yup. He was outside waiting for his roommate and needed to hit the store. Now we have too many bananas and you’re going to have to make banana bread or something so they don’t go bad.”

Daichi rolled his eyes and found the three bunches of bananas sitting on the counter. “So you know his eating habits now, huh?”

“Yes, I also sucked his dick in the bathroom after I blurted out a Harry Potter pick-up line.”

Daichi sat on the opposite end of the couch and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. “Not a single word of that sentence surprises me.” He grabbed a handful of chips from the bowl on the table. “I had sex with Kuroo on this couch.”

Iwaizumi stared at him in disgust. “You’re a filthy animal, Sawamura.”

Daichi shrugged. “It was stress relief.”

“Oikawa gave me his number. He doesn’t do stress relief.”

“Neither do you.” Daichi responded observantly, knowing his roommate better than anybody else.

“Correct. He also asked me to put my dragon in his-”

“Please for the love of all the Gods, do not finish that sentence.” Daichi groaned. 

Iwaizumi snickered into his coffee cup (his coffee cup that was blank until one poured hot water into it and it slowly revealed the intricate designs of Marauder’s Map).

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Around 2am, Oikawa stumbled into his apartment building. He wasn’t drunk, as most would expect from someone who looked like him coming home on a Friday night, he was just exhausted. Oikawa loved to dance. He refused to take his clothes off even though his pay would increase tenfold if he would just kick off those short little spandex shorts of his, but he just couldn’t do it. He had increasing amounts of respect for those who could, but he simply lacked the confidence. He took home a decent amount of tips at the end of the day that kept a roof over his head.

He jammed his finger into the 4 button and watched the door start to close.

A hand was jammed into it at the last minute and Oikawa met familiar forest eyes. He offered a small smile and was given one back.

Iwaizumi stepped into the elevator, eyeing Oikawa. 

“I’m not a stripper.” Oikawa blurted out.

Iwaizumi raised both eyebrows. “Okay, I-”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with stripping, it’s a respectable career. I know a lot of them, Kuroo was one for a bit, but I’m just not. I don’t have the body for it.”

Iwaizumi scoffed.

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows together. “What was that?”

“You _don’t have the body_ for it? That is- that’s just-”

Iwaizumi shook his head as the elevator stopped at his floor. He stopped in between the doors and held a hand on each door, leaning toward Oikawa slightly. He paused before speaking to rake his eyes across Oikawa’s tall frame. Oikawa was wearing flats, Iwaizumi could see his stiletto’s sticking out of his bag. He was wearing a coat that stopped mid-thigh, thick leggings underneath. Iwaizumi didn’t need to see the man naked to know how good he looked underneath. His face still held some remnants of makeup, glitter clung to his eyelashes, and his lips were still glossy.

“Your body is- if I wasn’t dead tired and just finished a 14 hour shift, I would spend the next day worshipping it. Just know that.” 

Oikawa was too shocked at his words to respond. Iwaizumi bid him goodnight and the doors closed.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Daichi finished his last set and started wiping down the bench he was using. He replaced his weights back on the weight rack, rearranging a few when he noticed they weren’t in the right spot. He heard light chuckling behind him and turned to see Kuroo’s agile form behind him.

“You’re one of the only rules following guys at this gym, ya know?” Kuroo said with a smirk as he wiped sweat from his forehead.

“Good gym karma. I always find everything easier the next day when I clean up the day before.”

Kuroo held out an unopened water bottle. “Thirsty? Yours looks empty.”

Daichi twisted the cap off and took a drink, maintaining eye contact with Kuroo. “Have you been watching me?”

“Since you walked in.” Kuroo _winked_ and now Daichi was at half mast.

Daichi held his towel inconspicuously between his hips and followed Kuroo to the locker room. Not that he followed him there on purpose, they just both happened to be heard that way. Daichi pulled his shirt off and pulled open his locker. 

“Daichi,” Kuroo started as he shamelessly watched Daichi change. “How are you so fucking jacked?” Kuroo was drooling and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Daichi snorted. “Look in the mirror, Tetsurou.” He side eyed Kuroo and had to immediately look away to avoid seeing Kuroo leaning back against the lockers, his half naked body on display as he stretched out.

“I mean, I’m fit. I’m in shape. I think I look pretty good but you- I bet you could crush cantaloupe between your thighs, or watermelons, or even- just my head. Not crush but just like loving cradle there, I bet it’s super warm and soft-”

Kuroo stopped talking when he realized Daichi was staring at him. 

Kuroo laughed awkwardly and reached for his towel. “Anyway, see ya next time.”

Daichi took his sweet time pulling off his clothes before going to find Kuroo in the showers. He wasn’t about to let him get away with that. They were members of the nicer gyms in the area: Kuroo as a perk of his job and Daichi because an old high school friend owned it. It was also a half day spa and therefore had an incredibly private shower area, something Daichi was about to risk it all to experience in a different way that he had before.

Kuroo was the only other one in the back and Daichi changed the sign from _open_ to _closed_ as he walked in. Kuroo was in the second of two stalls in the room, the steam billowing from the crack in the bottom of the door. 

Daichi knocked on it lightly and after a couple of curse words and a plastic bottle hitting the floor, Kuroo’s water soaked face poked out. His eyes lit up in surprise.

“Yes, Daichi?”

Daichi took off his towel and hung it next to Kuroo’s. Kuroo’s honey-eyes wandered down and stopped around Daichi’s waist. Kuroo grinned and opened the door a little wider. 

“Thought I scared you off.”

“Nope, I remember something about your head between my thighs- I kind of stopped processing anything after that if I’m being honest.”

Kuroo pushed Daichi against the back of the shower and immediately dropped to his knees. He smirked up at the bulkier man and didn’t give him a chance to take a breath before wrapping his mouth around him.

Daichi saw stars as he came down Kuroo’s throat.

He saw the galaxy when he came again after Kuroo pounded him into the shower wall.

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Iwaizumi yawned and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Just one more hour. One more hour and he would be done with his work week. It was Friday. He was exhausted. He had solidified plans to go straight to his favorite ramen spot to pick up dinner then plant his ass on his couch and probably fall asleep there.

His plans were destroyed when he stepped out of his office and it was _snowing_.

Iwaizumi cursed the sky as he stared up at it in disdain. He rubbed his eyes and started the frigid walk toward his car. 

His car didn’t start. Iwaizumi cursed technology and all of its advancement or lack thereof. 

He rubbed his hands together swiftly and blew hot air into them. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes in thought. Daichi would still be working, probably on some awful deadline considering how fucking grumpy he’d been the past few days.

He pulled out his phone and his thumb hovered over the call button next to _Prettier_. It wasn’t late enough that he’d be working, Iwaizumi had at least noticed that the two men work overnight hours. He sat there for another minute and the moment he realized his balls were trying to make their way back inside of his body for warmth, he called.

“Yahoo~!”

“Hey, are you busy?”

“Never too busy for you, how can I help you?”

Iwaizumi was surprised at the response but in a good way. “I uh- sorry to ask but I just got off work and my car isn’t starting. Would you mind giving me a ride?”

Iwaizumi heard shuffling, silence, then more shuffling.

“Wait- who is this?”

Iwaizumi’s happy sense of surprise dropped into his gut. “Iwaizumi.”

He heard a clunk, a few choice curse words, then heavy breathing.

“Uh… Oikawa?”

“Sorry, sorry. I thought this was- sorry. Yes. I can. I’m not busy. Text me your address.”

With that, Prettier hung up the phone and Iwaizumi stared at it. Oikawa had said he didn’t do one-night stands but there was someone out there that he is never too busy for? Iwaizumi pondered that until his phone started buzzing again. 

“Hello?”

“Um, Iwaizumu, are you okay?” Oikawa was uncharacteristically quiet.

Iwaizumi scratched his chin and nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Why?”

“You didn’t text me. It’s been 20 minutes.”

Iwaizumi glanced at the clock and realized it had indeed been 20 minutes.

“Oh yeah, sorry. Got distracted. I’ll ping you now.”

Oikawa hung up again.

He was knocking on Iwaizumi’s window about 8 minutes later.

  
  
  


Iwaizumi shuffled into Oikawa’s car and leaned over the dashboard to convene next to the heater. He shivered as he squeezed his eyes shut and let the hot air hit his face. Oikawa drove slowly and quietly, some song on the radio that Iwaizumi vaguely recognized. Iwaizumi sat back in the seat, close enough to warm to take a break from the face blasting. 

Oikawa was humming and tapping his thumb against the steering wheel.

Iwaizumi felt a sudden rush of not minding his own business.

“Are you dating someone or something?”

“Huh?”

“On the phone earlier- you thought I was someone else.”

“Oh. Yeah. I did.”

“And you said you’re never too busy for whoever you thought I was.”

Oikawa huffed out a laugh as he parked. “Is that why you’re being weird?”

Iwaizumi crossed his arms. “I’m not being weird. You don’t know me well enough to know when I’m being weird.”

Oikawa winced at the brutal honesty. “True.”

“So are you?”

“Dating someone? Apparently not.”

“What the fuck does that mean.”

“Are you always this crass?”

“Yes.”

Oikawa laughed and turned the car off. He rested his elbow on the center console and put his chin in his hand. “Wanna come up to my apartment?”

Iwaizumi stared at him blankly. “Not really, no.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes.

Iwaizumi snorted. “You have some nerve.”

“Yeah, I know.” Oikawa leaned against his steering wheel, his cheek against the cold growing brand insignia. “I’m not dating anybody. I said _apparently_ because I kind of thought we were dating.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t help the surprised huff that escaped his mouth. He reached for Oikawa when the other man frowned and his eyes lost a little shine.

“I thought we were too- or at least, I’d like to be. But-”

“I thought you were my friend Makki. We just talk to each other like that. He’s happily married and has been since he was 17. It’s purely platonic and not in an ‘I’d cheat on you with him emotionally’ kind of platonic but like actually platonic and-”

“It’s fine, honestly. I don’t know why I got worked up about it.”

“Because you were jealous, duh.” Iwaizumi scowled and Oikawa grinned. “I don’t mind, I think it’s hot.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and got out of the car, instantly regretting it as the icy hair wrapped him in a hug. He leaned back into the car. “Let’s go or I’m leaving you here.”

Oikawa followed him toward the elevator. The elevator stopped one floor above the parking garage and the two were greeted by a broad back falling into the elevator with a taller man attached to him. Iwaizumi caught Daichi as he stumbled into the elevator. 

Kuroo smirked and greeted the other two. “Gentleman.”

Oikawa gave his roommate _finger guns_. Iwaizumi shook his head shamefully.

“Why do I like you.” Iwaizumi grumbled.

Oikawa glanced at him. “Because I am beautiful and my personality is as bright as a fuckin’ diamond, that’s why.”

Kuroo nodded in agreement. “The same reason Daichi here likes me.”

They high-fived, much to the dismay of Iwaizumi and Daichi.

“I want to die.”

“Take me with you, Sawamura. Please.”

“We have some stuff to go over for tomorrow’s show, you’re head up right?”

Oikawa whined. “Yes, but-” He gazed fondly at Iwaizumi. “I wanted to have sex.”

“Not tonight, sir!” Kuroo swung his arm over Oikawa’s shoulder.

Iwaizumi shrugged as the elevator stopped at their floor.

Oikawa hung out of the elevator as they walked toward their apartment.

“DON’T FORGET ME, HAJIME!” 

Iwaizumi flushed as Oikawa called out after him, his voice echoing down the halls.

“Fucking kill me.”

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

“Look- if you move like this-”

Oikawa spun in a circle as he demonstrated a full body roll, starting with his chest perking out and rolling back, followed by his stomach dipping and rising, before his hips mimicked the movement. He glided one hand to his back, sticking his hips out as he bent one of his knees and flipped his hair. He flawlessly moved into a squat, spread his knees apart, and threw his head back. He kicked his legs out from underneath him, holding himself up with his palms flat against the floor. He lowered his head and rolled his ankles, swinging his hips to the beat. He twisted his body toward the floor and ground his hips against it, three times before doing a light somersault that ends in a split.

He stopped and turned back to Kuroo, making motions with his hands.

“Your turn!”

“Oikawa! You know I cannot move like you, that is my whole fucking appeal.” Kuroo burst into cackling laughter as he turned the music up.

Oikawa continued grinding his ass into the floor as Kuroo showed off the rougher style of dance that he was known for. Oikawa couldn’t lie, it was hot, and if he and Kuroo ever clicked the way they tried to the sex would probably be fantstic considering how they could each move their bodies. Alas, they were not each other's type.

“Watch this- hopefully I don’t get injured.” 

Kuroo glanced over, startled, at Oikawa. The brunette was in push-up position until he moved onto his knees, grinding against the air. He lifted his legs suddenly, his heels smacking against his ass before he straightened them and swung them around to the front of his body, looking effortless as he glided his lithe body through the air. He ended in a firefly yoga pose for a moment before lowering himself to the floor. He threw his hands back, stuck his chest out, and ended in something straight out of Flashdance. 

Kuroo sat down and gave up on life and his career of exotic dancing. 

“You’re so hot.” Kuroo complimented through the crunch of tortilla chips.

Oikawa stood and bowed. He turned the music up.

_I bet the neighbors know my name_

_Way you screamin' scratchin' yellin',_

_Bet the neighbors know my name_

_They be stressin' while we sexin'-_

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Iwaizumi screamed into his pillow for the third time.

Daichi groaned into his.

They met in the living room at the same time where the seedy thump of music was the strongest. 

“I’m fucking done, Hajime, I’m done.”

“I’m going up there.” Iwaizumi stated.

They each shoved their feet into slippers by the door and didn’t bother putting on any kind of clothing. They were done. They both worked all day, they were headed back to work the next morning. They were exhausted and it was 2:30 in the fucking morning. Their neighbors were about to be verbally castrated by two broad shouldered men, one in gray pajama pants and the other in boxers and a t-shirt.

They pulled up to apartment 403, exactly one floor above their apartment 303.

Daichi banged on the door like he was the police in another life. 

Iwaizumi waited exactly three seconds before banging louder.

The music on the other side of the door paused and the door swung open to reveal two guilty sweaty familiar men.

Oikawa’s eyebrows pulled together as he lifted Kuroo’s sleeve to pat his face. “Iwaizumi? What are you doing here?”

Kuroo leaned onto Oikawa’s shoulder and glanced at Daichi, fully appreciating that he was the one wearing tight boxers that clung to his thighs.

“Sawamura, you beautiful specimen.”

“You fucking kidding me.” Iwaizumi grumbled. 

Oikawa frowned at his complaint.

“You’re actually fucking kidding me, right?” Daichi added.

Kuroo’s mouth pulled downward as well. “What’s going on?”

“You two-” Iwaizumi jabbed his finger toward Oikawa “You two have been keeping me up for fucking months!”

“Do you have any fucking idea how loud you are?”

“What are you even doing in there?”

“Clogging?”

“Tenderizing meat?”

“Why would we be-”

“Don’t-” Iwaizumi cut off Oikawa and pushed past him into the apartment. Daichi followed.

Iwaizumi stood with his hands on his hips and surveyed the living room. It was an absolute disaster. There were shoes and clothes and what looked like a feather boa flung all over the couch. The middle of the floor was cleared out and covered in scuff marks. A youtube video was paused on their TV.

He turned toward Oikawa. “What were you two just doing?”

Oikawa frowned deeper and crossed his arms protectively over his chest, clutching his elbows. “Practicing.”

“For?”

“Dancing.”

“You were practicing dancing?” Daichi asked, staring at Kuroo.

Kuroo grinned and nodded. “Yup. Can you hear us?”

Daichi’s scowl wiped the grin off of Kuroo’s face. 

“Can we _hear_ you? Do you have any idea-” Daichi rubbed his hand over his face.

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa who had a face full of pure guilt. Iwaizumi couldn’t believe whoever lived there before them hadn’t complained before. It didn’t seem like either Oikawa or Kuroo had any idea how loud they were. 

“How do you not know how fucking loud you two are?” Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa shrugged one shoulder. “Nobody ever complained before.”

“They must have been deaf.”

“Who?” Oikawa asked.

“Whoever lived in our apartment before us.”

“They were.” Kuroo clarified.

“They were what?” Daichi questioned.

“Deaf.” Oikawa responded.

Iwaizumi stared in disbelief. Of _course_. He sighed and sat on their couch. 

“Can we set some ground rules or something?” Iwaizumi buried his face in his hands.

Kuroo sat on the recliner and patted his lap while winking at Daichi. 

“Of course. What rules?”

“No _practicing_ after midnight- no, after 11. 11 is good.”

Kuroo glanced at Oikawa who nodded solemnly. 

“Anything else?”

“Nope, that’s basically it. If I can get to sleep without it feeling like somebody is stomping on my fucking head I’ll be the happiest man alive.” Iwaizumi responded. 

“Great. Wanna see what we were practicing-”

“No, Tetsu, let them go to sleep-”

“I wanna see.” Daichi piped up as he eyed Kuroo shamelessly. 

Oikawa sighed as Kuroo jumped up and plucked the phone off of the tripod that the other two men hadn’t yet noticed. He tapped away until he was steaming the recorded video onto the TV. All four men watched in amazement as Oikawa showed off the new moves he had been practicing.

A mesmerized Iwaizumi stopped watching the video at one point and started watching Oikawa. The dancer was blushing hard, looking at his nails instead of the screen. When the video ended, he looked up and caught Iwaizumi’s eye.

“Daichi doesn’t work tomorrow so he’s going to stay up here. Oikawa, come down to my apartment.”

Oikawa huffed out a laugh. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Come down to my apartment. I’ll sleep better knowing you’re not up here able to tenderize yourself on the floor.”

Daichi snorted and Kuroo cackled. Daichi was somehow in Kuroo’s lap, his arm around the taller man’s neck.

Oikawa blushed, the soft redness blooming down his bare chest. He stood and nearly sprinted into his bedroom. Iwaizumi frowned at the now empty spot beside him but noticed Kuroo was still grinning. Kuroo whispered something into Daichi’s ear that earned him a flick to the forehead.

“That is _not_ what you call us.” Daichi groaned.

“Huh?”

“These two- these idiots- before they knew our names. Please Tetsurou, share with the class.”

Kuroo shrugged. “I mean these nicknames are for really obvious reasons. Here,” Kuroo emphasized his words as he gripped Daichi’s thigh. “Is Thigh Muscles. And there-” Kuroo pointed at Iwaizumi’s arms that weren’t hidden at all since he neglected to put a shirt on. “Is Bicep Muscles.”

Iwaizumi snorted. “Don’t act like we didn’t have names for them too.” 

He regretted the words as soon as he said them. Oikawa’s interest was piqued and it was evident on his face as he reentered the room with a small bag. 

“What were they?”

“I’d rather die.” Iwaizumi responded at the same time his roommate betrayed him.

“Pretty and Prettier.”

Kuroo nodded slowly. “I don’t have to ask which was which, I already know.”

“You seem confident.” Oikawa scowled.

Kuoo lifted his nose defiantly. “Yes, yes I am.”

“It all depends on who made them up.” Daichi pointed out.

  
  
  
  


Oikawa followed Iwaizumi into the elevator, still slightly unsure of what was about to happen. 

“I made them up.” Iwaizumi confessed as he pushed open his door.

“Made what up?” Oikawa asked as he kicked his slippers off by the door. 

“The nicknames.”

Oikawa gazed at Iwaizumi and a smile slowly spread across his face. He tried to hide it in the dark room.

Iwaizumi jerked his head. “My room is this way. You’re not sleeping on that couch. I didn’t plan on having sex tonight, I mean- unless you want to. I just wanted to sleep for once.”

Oikawa audibly whined. “I’m really sorry! I had no idea.”

“It’s alright. I’m not mad at the consequences.” Iwaizumi smirked at Oikawa. He tuned before he reached his bedroom door. “I sleep naked though.”

  
  
  
  


Daichi eyed a pair of packaged cherry red sparkly underwear that he hadn’t seen before. He held them between two fingers and gazed at Kuroo. 

“So,” Daichi paused as Kuroo looked over at him, his face changing colors. “You’re stripping for me at some point, right?”

Kuroo snorted at the question. 

Daichi stretched the underwear out and felt the fabric between his fingers. “I have to pee, be right back.”

Kuroo didn’t notice that Daichi took the underwear with him. Kuroo didn’t notice anything was amiss as he laid back on his bed and waited for Daichi to come back out. He was scrolling through his phone when the man emerged from the bathroom. Kuroo looked up to say something and speech decided to fail him.

Daichi was wearing his sparkly underwear.

Daichi Sawamura had squeezed his well-built thighs and perfect bubble shaped ass into bright red sparkly shorts and were taut across his hips.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“Oh fuck yeah, can I? This is my new phone background. Hold still-”

Kuroo fumbled with his phone as Daichi patiently waited for him to take a photo. Daichi struck a pose, his thumbs hooked into the waistband, and Kuroo had to stare at the photo for a moment before resurrecting. 

Kuroo crooked his finger at Daichi. “Come here. I plan to rip those off and split you open.”


End file.
